real talk: travelling, school stresses, and *insert your crush’s name here*

Let me set the scene for you:  It’s 8:30 on a summer Sunday night.  A teen girl sits in bed as she vigorously types into the laptop propped up on a pillow over her legs.  She’s wearing a tie-dye shirt that reads “I’m with granddaddy” (a funky albeit proud Goodwill find) and mis-matching pink marble patterned pajama shorts.

Spoiler alert: It’s me. Writing this post.

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me being very glamorous

For some reason, I got a spur to write a seat-of-my-pants post about a few things that have been ALL OVER my mind lately.  I honestly don’t think I can get more candid than this.  So here ya go, my thoughts and the inside of my brain…

There are three orders of business:

  1. the travel bug
  2. stresses of a new school year
  3. boys (womp womp) :/

THE TRAVEL BUG

Right now, there’s a pile of halfway unpacked clothes sitting on my bedroom floor.  Unpacking is the bane of my existence (well, actually Trump is, but that’s irrelevant, at least for this post), and I’m starting to think maybe it has nothing to do with the fact that hanging clothes in my closet is my least favorite chore.

Coming home after travelling has always been hard for me, especially in the past couple of years.  I come home, and I’m snappy to the people around me, I’m tired, and I’m kinda angry I have to settle down again until the next adventure.  There’s always this desire to be somewhere I’m not.  To be somewhere greater than the tiny city in the Southern US that I live in.  Somewhere that can give me all the opportunities I want right away or at least let me feel closer to said opportunities.

For instance, I visited Columbia University in New York City last Saturday (my top choice for college), and I can’t stand the fact I have three more years until I can apply.  I want to be there now, I want the doors it’s going to open for me now, and I want the ability to be a foreign exchange student and go to new places near NYC.  To be on my own and in charge of my own travelling. How fantastic that sounds!  Except college probably doesn’t work that way… more on that in three years 🙂

Basically what I’m trying to get at about the travel bug is that: So much happiness and gratitude ALREADY resides in the tiny city I do live in, and I know that.  Yet sometimes I have trouble seeing that and instead think I can find it in other places.  My travel bug isn’t always a want to see new places, but a want to LIVE through new places and find a life I ALREADY have in new places.  And that’s my travel bug for ya!

THE STRESS OF A NEW SCHOOL YEAR

Alrighty, continuing on to the next thing that’s been on my mind lately: The Stress of a New School Year (this could be a good book title if I ever write one). K so, I’m in high school and things can get crazy and dramatic and go downhill fast.  At least, that’s what I’ve heard, but alas haven’t experienced myself.  Last year, my first year in high school, was a walk in the park… ugh I’m jinxing myself!  Anyways, it went smoothly and I built the greatest group of friends a girl could find and then some.  We laughed, we cried, and we crammed for our AP tests together, and I never felt more on top of the world than I did throughout freshie year of high school.  You could even go as far as to say I was “thriving.”

So naturally, now I’m scared, worried, stressed, and all the other possible adjectives that describe how I’m feeling.

A question I’m dying to ask all my friends is, “Do you think it’ll be the same?”  Such a loaded question, and I’m sure they would all look at me like “Olivia, that makes no sense.  What does that even mean?”  If you flip the question around, it asks: Do you think things will change?  Of course, I know things will change, it’s a new school year, change is inevitable.  It’s gonna happen, duh.  But I what I want from my friends in their answer to my oh-so-vague question is reassurance.  Reassurance that the friend group won’t change, we’ll all go back to the way things were the last week of freshman year, and all the experiences will be just as spectacular and life-giving as before.  We’ll still party on the homecoming float, be weird at lunch, bond over awful teachers and grades, and sing in the bathroom at the top of our lungs when we’re supposed to be walking laps in PE.

It’s scary, not knowing what the next few months hold.  More and more lately I’ve thought about how little you actually control of the faraway future, it’s a lil unsettling.  BUT, maybe that’s the beauty of it.  Maybe sophomore year will have even greater adventures than last year, and maybe I gain friends I never knew I could have.  And even if high school does get a bit more crazy and dramatic and starts to slope downhill, that just means I have good stories and advice to tell you all later on 😉


I’m writing this post over two days (mainly cuz I sat at my computer writing the last parts of this post for 2 hours in bed), so now it’s the next day.  Still rocking a t-shirt (a Harvard one), but with jean shorts and I’m blasting Lorde.  Who else can get me in the mood to write??  Also, after I decided to go to bed I texted with a friend for a real long time about The Stresses of a New School Year, and guess what?!  I’m not alone!  She had them too, which just goes to show how everyone has those thoughts.  Okok, onto the rest of this messy post:

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day 2 look going strong

BOYS

Ugh boyzz, am I right? or really any specific person you’re crushin’ on, girl, boy, or otherwise, always happens to get on your mind for awhile every now and then.  Right now it’s on my mind, and I feel oh so melodramatic about it.   Which is kinda curious, considering I’m that girl who thinks marriage is a weird, patriarchal concept, but here I am wondering:

Do I like him* or do I like the idea of him?  It’s such a strange, yet important distinction to make.  You have to figure out if you like the idea of going on dates with him, calling him your boyfriend AND his personality/quirks as well.  Because when you come to find out it was only the idea of being with him you liked (e.g. the dates and calling him boyfriend part), you realize you truly never liked him at all.

*disclaimer: him can be replaced with whateverrr pronoun you want, it’s just the one that fits my situation!

Also, there’s always the daunting question of does he like me?  You hate thinking about it, you love thinking about it, whatever it is it you feel, the question can easily be the only thing you think about for a whole day.  Either way, you and I are worth more than whether or not our crush likes us back and should never change ourselves for them because we are BOMB already… but it’d still be nice to know they liked us back, ya feel 😉

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What’s great though, is to have friends you can rant to about the subjects I’ve mentioned in this post and more, so go to them!  No use in bottling all the emotions up, and they could have some darn good advice.  I always find that a weight has been lifted off my chest once I talk to someone else about the crazy stuff happening in my head.  Sometimes, if you leave your thoughts lingering alone for too long, they can start to eat away at ya.  And no one wants holes in their brain, so find someone you can trust and talk to.  I promise that even if you think no one wants to listen to your problems, there’s someone out there who is willing to be understanding and supportive!  If not, my Instagram DMs are wide open.  

We all deal with stressful thoughts and fears of the future, but YOU CAN DO IT!  I know you can, and chances are, deep down you know you can do it too.  So go out and do what ya gotta do.  If it’s screaming your thoughts to the world like I am in this blog post or texting a friend for hours like I did, do it!  Together, we can work it all out.

💜Love, Olivia

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24 thoughts on “real talk: travelling, school stresses, and *insert your crush’s name here*

  1. Ah I completely relate girl! Especially the high school part. I can’t tell you how much I’ve been overthinking every little aspect, especially change wise (I was a freshman this year, too). I think it’s safe to say that things will change, but try and keep an open and optimistic mindset towards it – positivity is everything! And whatever happens will happen for a reason (as cliche as it sounds it’s absolutely true). Lots of love! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am terrified for this next school year as well. 😂 I know it gets harder every year, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to have enough time to study and keep my grades up (the only way I can get good grades is by going nuts with studying)
    Not that many of my friends are coming back to the same school as me this year, so any contact I have with them will be limited. We did online school together last school year, and so being in classes and stuff together meant we could talk; but since we’ll be doing different stuff, their schedules and mine will probably be a lot different, and any texting/emailing I get to do with them will be replies sent to each other hours apart from one another. *cringes*
    And ugh yes, boys. I was reading an old journal of mine from grade 7, and I was very dramatic about this kind of thing (slightly disturbing…) I try not to get into this sort of thing and prefer to listen to my other friends talk about their own stuff. Mostly because I actually found out that the guy I like only likes me as a friend, but still. Theirs is a lot more interesting. 😂 I think you raised a very good question, though. Are we in love with the idea of being in love or the person? I’m not allowed to date till I’m like 18/graduated, so I think that kind of helps me keep out of that mindset zone, but that’s easy when the boy I like is actually pretty awesome. He likes to crack a lot of jokes, and I’m constantly laughing around him. Which is actually a danger to my health, because I tend to choke on food when I laugh while chewing. 😂 He’s one of my friends who aren’t coming back this year (or the rest of high school) so I feel a bit like we won’t ever really talk to each other again?? Anyway, this is much weirdness, and this comment is super long. I guess I just had to write this novel to get all my thoughts out. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Girl, this novel comment is perfect! Sometimes getting your thoughts out is the best therapy ;)) I hope that your school year goes fantastic (I’m sure it will and trust me I know all about the studying thing), and that you’re able to keep in touch with your friends and the boy. If you make an effort and reach out, they will reciprocate! And lol I think 7th grade was a very dramatic year for all of us *face palm* Thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts!! Love, Olivia

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m starting my Freshman year in high school this year!! Reading this post was helpful in telling me it will be ok and I will make it through. Also I can relate to all of this! I love how you are so real and raw. It can really help people realize we all have struggles with the image Instagram gives us of a “perfect life”.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this post! I’m the same way, I almost always feel better after talking. I’ve been trying to hold it in lately so as not to burden/annoy my friends and family, but it always ends up worse if I do that! Love that you’re willing to share this stuff on your platform, you go girl. 😊

    Miles of smiles,
    Grace

    gracefulrags.com

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel you. Both the crush part and the high school part. Lucky me, I’m friends with the girl I’m crushing on, which means I can’t tell if she’s interested in me or just being friendly. Yay. And high school is an imminent and dangerous thing that I am not looking forward to, although school can be pretty fun sometimes. Oh well. We can make it through this. Good luck with the guy!

    Belle

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my goodness I relate to this post so much!! I completely get what you mean about unpacking – I don’t like to do it either because it means that I have to accept that the incredible holiday I’ve just been on is over and its back to reality. I also worry quite a lot about friends at school like our friend group will split up after having 2 years together and I won’t have any one to hang out with anymore. And boys – don’t even get me started!! I sometimes wonder if I actually like the boy I’m crushing on or if I like the idea of him. Also the whole issue of if they like you back or not – I think there’s been one time my crush actually liked me back and nothing ever came out of it in the end!! Anyways, I hope everything works out for you and just know that you’re not alone in struggling with these issues!! ❤ xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: what a haircut can’t fix: feeling restless, out-of-control, and stuck. | Absolutely Olivia

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