*beginning of one of my journal entries*
June 15, 2018
A couple weeks ago, I met up with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. She mentioned how she had been keeping up with the blog, and how I “seem genuinely happy with what I’m doing.” This lit a glow inside of me. I seem happy because I AM happy. Genuinely happy. Even outside of blogging, the majority of the time I am so content and at peace with everything around me, from friends and family to my hobbies and Absolutely Olivia.
Tonight, the sky was hot pink and a perfect crescent moon hung just left of the final clouds before sunset. As I sat in the back of my grandparent’s car, my head on my sister’s shoulder, the last words of The Greatest Showman replayed over and over in my head.
“It’s everything you ever want
It’s everything you ever need
And it’s here right in front of you
This is where you wanna be”
This is where I wanna be. In this life, with my exact family, friends, personality, and talents. I’ve been really understanding for the past 8 months and taking into consideration what makes me happy and thankful. I’m a bit more at peace with my place in life than I’ve ever been. Don’t get me wrong, I still have bigger goals and dreams that I’m working towards, but in the meantime, this is where I wanna be. I am here!
*end of journal entry*
Sometimes I get jealous, want to have more than I do, or want to be more than I am. I think “oh, once I hit 10k followers I’ll be happy,” “once I move to a big city as a creative director, I’ll be happy,” “once I have a boyfriend, I’ll be happy.” But I’ve thought things like this before, and even when I reach those dreams, I still want more. I move onto wishing for the next thing that has the potential to make me happy. It’s a constant cycle that never ends, even for those who might have everything I want. They probably still want more, just like me… and you.
A few weeks ago, I began to realize these wanting thoughts that were circling my brain, they would flow in and out, but I tried to take control. And to an extent, it worked! I made mental gratitude lists, focused on things that made me feel good inside, and hung out with the people close to me more. It’s more than easy to focus on the things you don’t have, over the things you do have.
You have to remember: YOU ARE HERE!
No matter where you are in life, you’re there. There’s no escaping it. You can move forward, but there’s no escaping where you are in the moment. Life is horribly great, it can beat you down and leave you in a miserable place, but it can also give you thrill and joy that you never could’ve imagined previously. Sometimes you’ll be top heavy with the horrible side, and other times nothing can bring you down.
But nevertheless you are still here.
If you’d rather be somewhere else, do something else, or keep thinking “once I get _______, I’ll be happy,” take a step back and think about what you do have. Give gratitude for those good things, no matter how fleeting they are. I truly believe this is one of the first steps to a fuller happiness. Now, create a list of goals, an action plan, a to-do list, an escape route of sorts, etc. that can get you to where you want to be. This is gonna look different for everybody, and there’s so many forms your process could take on.
Maybe it’s starting a blog. Maybe it’s reaching out to people to work with or talk to. Maybe it’s seeing a therapist. Maybe it’s creating something. Maybe it’s getting out of a bad relationship. Maybe it’s getting better grades. Maybe it’s making the sports team.
Whatever it is, big or small, make that action plan and find people/things that can help you get there. If you’re unhappy, you can change it! The “you are here” lasts for as long as you aren’t moving. If you’re not satisfied with that, start moving towards a change.
Every single one you deserves to reach your “this is where I wanna be” moment!! I believe you can get there and find that happiness. Also, “success” and happiness doesn’t always come in the form you imagined it would, like mine did currently. I definitely had all these ‘once you’re happy’ sentiments in my head, but when I really thought about it I can and am happy without those things.
So. I’m not sure where to leave you all with this post, but feel free to think it over, ask questions, and share your own stories! I hope this was the little kickstarter/inspiration you needed to get away from a “here” you don’t want, and to start taking actions to get to a “you are here” that you LOVE!! Happiness is everything! Thanks so so much for reading, and for all the support!